Gabrielle: I grew up the second of 6 children. I have 4 sisters and 1 brother and another 2 step-sisters and 1 more step brother. I am the aunt of 5 nephews and 1 niece from my side of the family.
I have wanted to adopt since I was a teenager. I've never wanted to have birth children. Or even babies. I've wanted to adopt children. I figure, if you count 2 years of babydom (sic.) per child, I've done 8 years. I've put in my time of diaper-changing, cleaning up after, and occupying "the baby." I'm done.
But adoption...I've always had a fascination, admiration for it. I feel a calling for it, like God made me this way for a reason. To fill a niche. So many see adoption as a last resort and even then only want infants. The 3-year-olds and 4-year-olds get left behind. The older they get the more they get left behind. And it breaks my heart. I knew I was going to adopt, but not where, though I felt drawn to international adoption.
A few years ago, I had a dream. A dream within a dream actually. I was in a "facility for orphans" in Russia. I was looking at a portfolio of a girl. She was six years old, with long, blonde hair and bangs. Her name started with O and was three syllables long. And I just knew she was my daughter. I woke up (that was from the inner dream, now into the "outer dream") devastated to find it was just a dream. I told my husband (whom I could not actually see as I hadn't met him yet and the dream wasn't being forthcoming) and he said we should go. So we went to a "facility for orphans" and told them about the dream. They said they didn't have girl by that name but it sounded like another girl. They handed me a portfolio. It was her, except for the name. It started with T and was 2 syllables long. Then there was a weird part where I was talking with a little girl (whom I didn't realize was the little girl) in a completely incongruous place (the 3-storey tall room in the National Holocaust Memorial Museum that houses photographs of the shtetl of Eisheshok) and she told me she had a little brother, 2 years old, somewhere else, meaning not in the same facility. I woke up, for real this time. Devastated that I'd seen my daughter and it was only a dream.
I hadn't really wanted Russia, even if I hadn't picked the country yet. I had wanted all girls (because I find them easier to deal with) and older than 2 (diapers!). But that dream was a very different dream. If I ever had a prophetic dream, it's this dream. And if it is, then God is saying Russia and a little girl with a 2-year-old brother. So I said, okay. But first, I had to find their father.
I met Rob when I was 33. On our 3rd date, I was sure he wasn't my husband and told him so. To soften the blow when I told him, I told him to think about how, with me, he'd have to give up any dreams of fathering a child (by birth). We stayed friends and through a Bible study, I came to realize I was wrong. He was my husband. And Rob got on board with me about adoption.
We had our first anniversary in March and had hopes of applying to adopt right then, but the agency we chose advised against it. They said to start with a home study. We were at first looking to fix our house to sell it so we could get a bigger one. The market took a nose dive though and the fixing up was taking longer and longer as the pace of it slowed. Finally, we came to a decision to adopt in this house and then sell when the market turns up again. As we'll be pretty crowded when the child or children come home.
We feel that though Russia may not be the easiest country to adopt from, if we go anywhere else, we'd be leaving our little girl behind. So we'll go to Russia, and maybe we'll come home with a blonde-haired 6-year old. And maybe a 2-year-old boy. So our plan is to plan for 1, but be open for 2, which will make our 3 bedroom house with no dining room and an unfinished, leaky basement very small. (I need a home office to house the computers and bookshelves and other things, so we'll have to do some work on the basement if we get both children.) For now, we'll stay. We have to put the house back in order, and raise the funds to cover our home study, and then we can officially set off on our adoption journey.
Our journey thus far September 2009: We started with WACAP as our adoption agency. They were concerned about our ability to pay for the adoption and wanted 3 concrete ways I could stay home for 3 months. I am the breadwinner of the family, so that would be hard. I get Family Medical Leave, of course, but not paid leave. The lights have to stay on, food still has to be bought. Rob is now entering a career field that could turn him into the breadwinner, but at the time, he was still in school. The only concrete thing we could say was to save another $8100 (what I bring home in 3 months) but that, of course, would only add to their concern. Faith in God's providence just isn't "concrete".
So we changed agencies and updated our home study (a year had passed). We chose Nightlight Christian Adoptions. I liked their philosophy and spoke with the head of the agency at length. It seemed to go well until the end of August when they told us they'd declines us for 3 reasons that would likely keep Russia from approving us. I won't go into them all as they are personal but I'll skirt around them. One was Rob's job situation which has just improved. The other is something we can't do anything about but it is mild and of no danger to the children and so ridiculous. The third is our debt, something we are working on, but even so is mostly student loans and a very reasonable mortgage. The consumer debt, with our present plan, will be gone in less than 3 years. All that said, we were informed that the agency really had a problem with my not wanting birth children. So they were also dishonest.
We are now looking for another agency. We've been referred to 2 by our social worker and will give them calls.
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